If Only....

If only the kids would go to bed so that I could.

If only I could afford a maid.

If only I could afford my rent.

If only I could afford ANYTHING!

If only I had my washer and dryer on the main floor instead of in the basement.

If only my former supposed spouse (FSS) hadn't been arrested for his 11th DUI. (Yep, that's right. ELEVEN!!)

If only the other jack-ass that I was married to before would dro..... no wait, better not say it 'cuz then he will just because I said it.

If only the other jack-ass that I was married to before wasn't such a jack-ass.

If only I was gettin' some on a regular basis....yeah, I know, too much information. But it really does do wonders for my mood. For a minute.

If only there was such a person as Prince Charming, or McDreamy, or a Knight In Shining Armour.

If only I didn't wish there was such a person as ..... all of the above.

If only.

That's a lot of  'If only's.' Probably too many.

I also have a lot of blessings in my life.  For example, I am no longer married to Jack-Ass #1 or the FSS. (One of these days, I'll explain why I call him the Former Supposed Spouse.) And I am free to 'get some' whenever I want. (Shhh...don't tell my sponsor! I'm not done with my steps yet!) And I'm not giving up the notion that I will find my own McDreamy (or McSteamy, either one will work). Prince Charming and Mr. Knight? Well, not so much. They all start out that way, but they all end up only human in the end. Hmmmm. Maybe I should START with that notion in the first place.

It's early still and the kids will go to sleep. Eventually. (I add the eventually because an enormous THUD just emanated from their room. So they are UP TO SOMETHING but no one is crying so I guess all is well.)

And, at least I HAVE a washer and dryer and don't have to schlep laundry to the laundromat. Yeah, that's not a fun way to spend a Saturday. Or a Sunday. Or any other day for that matter. I rather enjoy being able to throw in a load at 2 in the morning if I want to. (I doubt my roommate appreciates it since he sleeps right next to the laundry room, but he's a big dork anyway. Besides, he knew I was a psycho night-owl when he moved in here. AND, he took off for Minnesota for who knows how long, didn't tell me, didn't pay any rent for this month and left his psycho cat that hates me here.)

So what's my point. I'm sure I had one. Once.

Oh yeah. I may have a lot of things that could be better. But I also have an awful lot that could be much, MUCH worse. Yeah, there's that fuckin' gratitude again!! And just when I was REALLY starting to enjoy feeling sorry for myself, dammit!