Certified To Lie Memetastic Award (Yeah, I KNOW right? Another Award!)

The untruths contained in my previous post are added in red at the end of the story. Cheers and Happy Friday!


So, you may recall that a while back I participated in a "Two Truths and a Lie" blog hop. Well, just today, my Ahhsome friend Sandi bestowed upon my the "Certified To Lie Memetastic Award" because I was so very convincing the first time around. Ha.

At any rate, here is the challenge. First, I am required to formulate not one, not two, but three LIES about myself and only one truth and then bestow the same award on 5 additional bloggers.

My choices for the five bloggers are:

The Whispering Writer @ Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time

The Impulsive Addict @ Confessions of An Impulsive Addict

Aunt Becky @ Mommy Wants Vodka

Chana @ Mama Town

The Dreamer @ PBJDreamer

And Why? Because these women totally, completely ROCK! None of us get out of the Mommy Life unscathed or unchanged and these ladies really know how to find the funny in what otherwise might just drive us stark raving mad! Please take some time and check them out!

Okay. So, let the fibbing begin! And, keep in mind that every good lie contains an element of truth!

1. The Jessica McLintock First Day of School Frock

When I was going into the 6th grade, my grandmother was bound and determined to teach me to sew. My grandmother took me to the fabric store to pick out a pattern and then showed me how to read the pattern label to determine how much fabric, what kind of fabric, and all of the notions needed to complete the finished product. At the time (late 70's early 80's - ish), Jessica McLintock was a popular "designer" for very pretty, fancy schmancy, ruffly, frilly dresses. 

Gunne Sax Prairie Dresses. 

Decidedly NOT a beginner's project. But, my grandmother went with it and patiently stood by while I labored on this thing for 2 months in order to have it ready for the first day of school. She even helped me add about 4 inches to the bottom when we found that I had grown about 3 inches over the summer! The dress really was made only my Grandmother ended up finishing it because my 6th Grade Self crapped out after cutting out the pieces and sewing the skirt together. It was truly a thing of beauty. I will see if I can find a picture of it.

2. My First Car Wreck

When I was sixteen, I was given my mom's old car to drive. It was a very large, very long, 1976 Ford LTD Brougham. It was generally parked in the garage. One summer evening, while my mother was out of town, I decided to take said car to go to the local drive-in, get a pop, and go for a cruise (of course, I was going to do this all without my dad being any the wiser!) So, I waited until he left to make a run to the dump, jumped in the car, and proceeded to back out of the garage. Only, the door was not open. So I didn't so much back OUT as I backed THROUGH the garage door. Oh yeah, and my dad wasn't so much GONE as he was just on the other side of the garage. How does a person do that, you might ask? In my defense, the sun was going down and was exactly level with the windows in said door so when I checked my rear view, it LOOKED like the door was open.


And my dad? Well, let's just say angry was an understatement. I think his exact words were "Go away. I don't even want to look at you right now!" This one is actually completely true, sadly enough. What's even funnier is that my mother has also done it once and my DAD has done it TWICE! And the new garage doors didn't have any windows in them.


3. The Great Water Tower Caper


One night, in the dead of winter, me and some of my friends decided it might be fun to scale the fence around one of the water towers in town and make it our own. Let me tell you, the walkway around the outside of one of those things is A LOT HIGHER than it looks from the ground! We did manage to leave our mark - a big DK (Dead Kennedy's) symbol, all our initials and the year we graduated from high school. When we were done, we made our way back down, and made our escape. A couple of days later, the cops came knocking on our door. Seems someone in the house right next door to the tower had spotted us and reported us. And the license plate of the getaway car. And since we all had the teenage brilliance of leaving our REAL INITIALS, we were oh so very easily identified. And we all ended up doing about a gazillion hours of community service for our antics. Yeah. Another shining moment of pride for my dad, who, by the way, was a city cop in my home town for all of my growing up years. This actually happened, I just wasn't a part of it. I don't know where I was, but I wasn't there and so didn't get in any official trouble but I did get lectured about participating in such "unsavory" activities.

4. First Time Caught Drinking


I was a junior in High School and me a two of my friends pitched in to have someone buy us two pints of Everclear. I brought along the only pop we had in the house - Diet Shasta Grapefruit - and we proceeded to swig & chase while another friend drove us around town. We ended up going roller skating - I know, right? Teenage brilliance ("Let's get sloshed and put wheels on our feet and try to remain upright!") at its best! One of my friends got fed up and walked - drunk off her behind - to the bar where her mother was drinking and ratted us other two out. Her mom called Sheila's mom and Sheila's mom called MY mom and we were all in hot water. My dad found the extra bottle of Everclear stashed in my roller skate at the bottom of my closet. Being the cop that he was, he called his cop friends and had me charged with "Minor In Possession." And to this day, neither Sheila nor I talk to the other girl. This also happened, only I was a Freshman in high school and my dad didn't really call his cop buddies to have me charged. Amazingly, and ONLY by the Grace of God, I never "officially" got caught drinking by any law enforcement agency. It's a wonder me and all my friends lived to tell the tales, really. And I did find where my dad had hidden the Everclear (HE DIDN'T EVEN DUMP IT OUT!!) and when one of my friends came home from college the following summer, we took the water bottle off of the water cooler, mixed up a spodie in it and put it back on the cooler. Instant cold drinks, no ice required.